Raw

You scraped my skin raw

Everything is exposed

Every insecurity laying out plainly for the world to see and attack

Everything hurts, even the wind brushing my skin

I know now I will never have the closure that I, and so many others, seek in these situations

I have to find out how to be happy in my life knowing that I will never know the why

And I guess that has to be ok. It has to be enough.

I can see myself clearly in the mirror. Every scar. Every bruise. Wondering if I will ever be enough or ever not be too much for someone to love.

It feels like I’m propped up. That my body is too heavy for me to carry. That my burdens are too heavy. My soul is heavy. I wake up each day wondering what my next move will be. And every new move without you is like stepping on shards of glass. I bleed over a path between there and here. I know it needed to happen. I know the hurt teaches me the lessons. I know that the path traveled isn’t always easy. In fact it’s hard as stone walls on a forgotten fortress hidden behind blinding pain and darkness.

The tether has been cut loose.

I know I can make it through despite all of the odds stacked up against my door like a winter storm that piles the snow.

I know I will love again and maybe this time it will be exactly what I need. Or maybe I will just love myself. At least that way I know I won’t get hurt.

Love never truly ends. It’s just absorbed, and hopefully there is more love than regret.